HeidiHasHeart

Becoming the Baddest On The Block

According to one of the original members of the rap group Americaz Finest, Darian Young, success is reached when you believe you are successful and you have made your dreams come true. It’s when you feel fulfilled inside, and he is on the straight narrow path to his own success.

Darian started as a solo artist after being brought up to the sounds of 2Pac, Bone Thugs, andMethodMan.He knew he was fated for music at a young age with the influence of his uncle who was part of a local rap group called East Main Mafia. Darian, also known as D-Cisive, wrote his first rhymes at age eight and hasn’t stopped since.

Over the years, ‘Cise and his musically inclined friends began forming the hip-hop group ‘Americaz Finest’ (A.F.). “It was cool being a solo artist…” he said, “but nothing beats doing what you love with the homies you came up with. You learn more about yourself and your music when you constantly listen to other styles besides your own…We have multiple styles blended into one. You got to love it.”

Loyalty has kept the group together during a time where rap groups are not very common. Darian feels it was destiny for his friends to form A.F., because they all knew each other for such a long time and were good at their art. The weak links were weeded out over the years and today the group is stronger than ever. “We’re young, we’re hype, and we’re focused.”

Although Americas Finest is from a small city (Newark,Ohio), their voice and actions are anything but small. They are known for performing at local benefits, such a one recently for a young local who passed from cancer. They want to put on for their city. Working with mainstream artist such as Dizzy Wright and Hopsin has put their name on the map too. Their mentorship after being a self taught artist on the rise has provided them a lot of guidance. “They gave us tips on how to make it as an independent artist on our own, and not rely on no one else. Shout out to Funk Volume for that!”

When asked if he thinks the group has changed as they are more in the spotlight, Darian says nothing has changed besides their mind state. “We realize that a lot of people are watching us now, and people consider us role models. We constantly preach humbleness and respect now.”

The only somber part of an A.F. performance is the group prayer prior to going on stage. As soon as the group sees the crowd, they put on a show. “Baddest On The Block” is a crowd favorite, which has become the groups theme song. You can view the music video on YouTube by searching AmericazFinest740.

“Be on the lookout for us… if you haven’t heard of us by now, I guarantee you will soon. We do it for our fans and we do it forOhio, all day, everyday! AyyyyyyyeeeeF!”

(Source: reverbnation.com)

Cheerleaders dont have cheerleaders

I’m coming up on hard times; things are coming down one by one. I’m so curious as to who is going to be there for me. This got me questioning how much I have been there for people who needed me. I know I have abandoned some people before because their situations were bringing me down. Does this make me a bad person… am I being selfish, does it mean karma isn’t going to let me have anyone now that I need someone?

            I’ve provided for people my whole life. In the trap, I made my living by taking care of the house and handling the boys business. They couldn’t have done it without me. When I moved on from that situation, I let my two best friends live with me cost free. I needed the mental support, so I gave them materialistic support. My phone has always blown up in need of advice; my insight has been so valuable to some. I didn’t gain anything out of these instances but I still did it all because the satisfaction of helping others was all I needed.

            I always wanted to be the kind of person who says… ‘If you aren’t taking me further, I wont let you hold me back’… but that’s just not me. I refuse to be untrue to myself, yet I feel like I need to change so it’s a trait that I can have. I can’t deny that I have still cut some people off. I’m there to help people who want their situation to get better. For the ones who have no intentions of getting their own, that’s that shit I don’t like. I am more than willing to let someone come over, raid my fridge, gossip with me, and use my computer to build a resume. I am not so willing to have someone invite themselves over, ask me to make them food, and then use my computer to talk shit on social media networks. Those are the ones I’ve grown apart from. Now I feel something a little shy of guilty, because I feel like I should be there to encourage those people to go get their own.

            I’m headed into tough times and I’m looking back at the ones I abandoned who could keep my spirits up. I could really use their emotional support right now. They are at the bottom, so they know what I’m feeling. They know how to get through this shit I’m not so used to because they do it every day. On the flip side, when I flourish they are preventing me from being my best. Should I sacrifice being my best to have these people around when I truly need them? Maybe I could still become ‘my best’ with them around, but is it fair to me? Should they even consider being there for me when I quit on them?

            Cheerleaders don’t have cheerleaders. They feed off each other and the crowd. How can I feed off an empty bowl is all I’m asking. Still, at least I’d have a bowl to put food in when it comes around. I can’t stop contradicting myself on this topic. I hope you didn’t read this blog looking for some kind of advice, because I’m obviously calling out for it right now. Feel free to response blog.

A lot of change is happening in my life. I just turned 23, and this is the first birthday where I really feel my age. The seasons are changing so I get to experience my first fall living in the city. My immediate group of friends has changed, and I’m getting close to some new people. Mainly, I realized my perspective of life has changed. I used to think I was ‘living life’ by partying until sunrise every night. Here lately though, my views on ‘living life’ are establishing my 401k, having a cozy home, and being with only positive family and friends.

Because it was my birthday, I had people around me this past week from every walk of life. My old roommates, high school best friends, friends who have seen me through hard times to even moochers who leached onto my success were helping me celebrate another healthy year. One friend made a comment that really stuck with me. She said that another one of my friends was FAKE now, because she wasn’t who she used to be. Does that mean she was calling me fake too?

Change is a beautiful thing to me. I would not be who I am today if I didn’t experience so much change. I grew up in the country, but have evolved into quite the city girl. I was forced to change my lifestyle when my parents left and I did what I had to get by. I also made choices myself such as leaving my comfortable situation inNewarkto move to the city and be a step closer to my dreams.

I have a couple friends who have done the same. Instead of being a statistic, doing what they are told to do, and settling… they have made choices to change their situation to be ideal for themselves. They are becoming the person they want to be. Why is that such a bad thing? When I heard my girl say another one was fake because she used to be so ‘basic and country’, but is now experiencing life made me pretty upset. I am nothing like the person I was a year ago. Just because I don’t share the same interest, or my priorities have changed…doesn’t mean I’m untrue to the people around me.

The way I see it, the people who stick to what they know are the FAKE ones. They don’t ever get to find their true self or experience what all life has to give to them. They are just doing what they think they are supposed to do. I feel like change is as necessary as it is to be lonely. YOU are the only person who knows the ins and outs of the change you experience and it brings you closer to yourself.

In the end, I just want people to reconsider calling someone FAKE. Maybe you met them while they were FAKE and they have changed into the REAL person they are. Perspectives, priorities, and dreams all change… and you should change with them. That’s as REAL as it gets.

Twitter is really a complete cyber world. Our playground. We make up our own games and play by our own rules. Our opportunities are endless. I realized that at any time anyone could come up and tap you on the shoulder. At any time, anyone could pick a fight and slander the hell out of you for all to see. Thanks to twitter you could become an overnight fake celebrity, just like the fact that you’re reading my blog right now.

        Since I moved toColumbus almost 6 months ago, I gained some 600 twitter followers. It amazes me that so many people really pay attention to what I’m doing on the daily. People know my everyday play by play because I expose myself so much online. There are its pros and its cons, but it really got me to wondering if I play in my cyber playground too much.

        Twitter has really affected my dating life. When I meet guys that ‘follow’ me, it’s like they lightweight already know me. They have probably seen pictures of my family, know what makes me upset, and my favorite drink is when I go out. That sooo takes the fun out of getting to know someone. I’m not sure I want to date someone who has been creeping on me over the past 6 months. On the other hand, he already knows he’s interested in me and we have things in common. Which weighs more, the pros or cons?

            Is there a cut off point? What is too much? That’s what I find myself questioning when I go back and read my TL. I constantly tell myself to quit being so open on social networks… then I catch myself tweeting what color my underwear are. And that they match my shoes… which I purchased for $96.45 at the footlocker on the eastside. Are the details necessary?

            I started in the social networks just to follow inspiration. I originally only tweeted quotes and would cheer up followers. Somehow I fell into the trap. The feds could swoop me up at any time and have proof in the palm of their hands. Some people I know have it down to an art though. They turn 140 characters into smooth one line punches. Never too much, never too little.

What boundaries do you set for your tweets? Would you date a social media queen? Is your social network life more exciting than your real one? Do you like your fake friends more than your real ones? Let me know.

:)

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

 

I might be one of the happiest people you know. Why? Because I want to be.

 

This blog was inspired by a recent conversation that I had. Someone asked me what makes me happy. I couldn’t answer. I’m just a happy person in general. I’ve been criticized, called fake, and overlooked because of my positive attitude. I just don’t get it. The conversation I had was with a male who asked because, ‘If I don’t know what makes me happy, then how could he make me happy?’ Why does something have to make me happy? Why can’t I just be… happy? He said that I can’t ignore the bad things, the hurtful emotions. What he failed to realize is that I don’t ignore those feelings. I turn them into something positive, or learn a lesson from it and in return I’m happy with the situation. For a week after our conversation, I was questioning my happiness. I started analyzing the bad in my life. What did I get out of it? I cried for the first time in a year, didn’t speak to any of my friends, slept an extra 3 hours a day instead of working out, and took headache medicine for the first time in ever. Fuck. That.

 

I have friends that simply won’t let themselves be happy. I can not wrap my head around it. All that most people want in life is happiness, and it’s right in front of their face. It’s an emotional state, and I refuse to believe that you can not control your own emotions.

Let’s look at a few things that make people un-happy.

Relationships: I’m optimistic. If I find love, that would be AMAZING. If I don’t, I know that I can love myself better than anyone else (refer to my previous #LonelyGang post). I’m not going to let myself down. I don’t rely on friends, because I can’t control other people. My family situation is non-existent, but I’ve reached out to family and they didn’t do anything with it. I did my best, and that makes me happy.

Money: Go get it. If you’re taking advantage of every opportunity, you should be set. Success brings happiness. My ambition for success makes me proud of myself, which again makes me happy.

Image: This is tough with society today. I’ve never had body issues, because of the fact that if I do become unhappy… I can fix it with exercise, diet, or even surgery for extremes. Everything is a perception, so change your perception of yourself. I’ve explained that I would never let myself down, so when I tell myself that I’m beautiful… I believe it.

I encourage you to start small, work on a relationship or initiate a new project you know you will succeed at. Don’t let your emotions blind you. No expectations. Don’t worry about things that are out of your control. Go with the flow. Explore. Breathe.

Can I live?

I pay close attention to people and their actions. I’m not happy with what I see either. LeBron’s basketball skills are frowned upon because of his choice to better his situation, gays are being harassed for choosing what makes them happy, and I’m judged for speaking my mind. LET US LIVE.

I hate the fact that people wish failure upon others. Why would you ever want to see someone fail? Of course there are situations where maybe someone did you wrong and you want to come out over top of them… but don’t wish failure, pain, or even death on them. You should wish they become better; not to put themselves in this situation again. Putting them down is going to encourage whatever they did so wrong.

Lauryn Hill said in an interview that she doesn’t pray to understand other people and what they do… but rather for her ways to be understood. I don’t want to understand why people are mean to me, I just want to be understood by them instead. See, it puts things in a positive light.

My goal in life is to be happy. Same with the examples I listed above. If everyone had this same goal, the world would be so much HAPPIER. Just because LeBron is balding, doesn’t mean he can’t shoot a free throw. I don’t blame him for moving toMiamieither. He got to do what many other players wish to do. He was only trying to better his situation. If you are offered a job paying $40,000 and right now you only make $30,000… you’re more than likely to take that job. And when you leave, you’ll probably have a going away party. He did the same exact thing, but being in the spotlight puts it on a much bigger scale. Gays just want to be with who makes them happy. Let them. I know that my opinions have the power to change the world. Just let my voice be heard, don’t you want the world to be a better place too?

Point is… if I hear you putting someone down, I’m going to correct you. Wish success upon others, and I bet success comes to you too.

 

#LonelyGang

           No one wants to be lonely, but everyone should experience it. There has been a lot of hype about being lonely lately. It might be our age and the walks of life were experiencing, but why is being lonely such a bad thing? Everyone I know in their mid twenties is either happily taken, or pathetically lonely. I’ve found happiness in being right on the median.

If it weren’t for my lonely times, I wouldn’t have become the person I am. My parents abandoned me when I was 17, and I started conquering the world on my own. I wasn’t lonely for the first few years, because I relied on Cole and his family. Thank goodness for them, because if they didn’t teach me so much I would be DUMB and lonely. Of course everything panned out with Cole, and I was lonelier than I thought from even way back then. Cole checked out and I was maintaining a trap house on my own. (I hate putting it that way, but yall can go ahead and judge that coming from a sweet little blonde white girl *shrugs*.) I was unaware that taking care of three grown men, their finances, and their pets all made me such a well-rounded woman.  

I eventually moved in with my best friend, so you would think I wasn’t so lonely. Wrong, it was the loneliest time of my life…but I became best friends with myself. I would go to parties and have dudes over, but that was just to numb the emotions. It’s a good thing I did that, so I didn’t become a big cornball of sappy emotions. I would take long walks or jogs by myself, write music that only I understood, and blunt cruise till I would convince myself that life is amazing. I knew that feeling sorry for myself would only make it more lonely, so I took the positive route.

I have a friend who doesn’t know what lonely is. I really thought about her situations. She has always had a man to take care of her, always has someone to call when she’s bored, never had to worry about someone not coming through for her because there is always a backup. She will never appreciate things in the light I do. She won’t have to carry baskets of laundry all by herself up flights of stairs to her unwelcoming apartment. She won’t have to do the math of all her bills and then create a budget for the change that’s left over. She won’t ever go on a walk at the park alone and create her own opinions about whatever is affecting her that moment. Other people are always cluttering her thoughts. I find myself wanting to ask her… how she can say who she is, because she never really got to know herself.

So where am I now? From the outside you would think I’m living a lonely fuckin’ life. I moved to anew cityby myself, so any close friends I did have are now distant. I don’t have a boyfriend, and I consume myself in work. It’s all fine with me though. I get to hang out with myself everyday, so I don’t consider myself lonely. I agree with all of my own opinions, I can talk to myself about anything, I love my style, I love the music I make. There are no disappointments when I get to be with myself.

What makes you part of the #LonleyGang? Sleeping alone? Your phone dead? Not having the ‘taken’ title? Get over it. Get to know yourself. Define your next steps in life… and you won’t find yourself stressing loneliness.

“ I’m out here on a mission and I’m all alone, Far from where I’m going and I’m far from home. Somehow I know I’m moving in the right direction, mama always told me I was gone be special…” Nipsey Hussle

This is a song I wrote atleast 5 years ago…

When we get this relationship figured out,
will be the day I quit it.
I’ve found peace in knowing nothings perfect,
but your the closest thing to it.

The rest of my life begins right here with you.
Im unprepared but ready,
and I’m content with not knowing what’s next,
because it will be…


Navigated by our fate.
A love story we wont have to dictate.
It’s out of our hands,
but thats fine with me.
My purpose is to be with you.


We shouldn’t want to take anything back,
regret will cause a wreak.
This feeling we consider true love,
is something our lives will respect.

So take a step back to see the big picture.
The distractions are so petty.
Nothing could possibly come between,
what’s going to be…

Navigated by our fate.
A love story we wont have to dictate.
It’s out of our hands,
but thats fine with me.
My purpose is to be with you.

I love you.
I will always love you.

It’s navigated by our fate.
A love story we wont have to dictate.
It’s out of our hands,
but thats fine with me.
My purpose is to be with you.

Dear Old Love,

Dear Old Love,

 

I wrote you three letters but haven’t sent one

Because the taste of that stamp will confirm that you’re gone

Tastes so bitter,

Just like my heart

But you know I needed a brand new start

Each letter was a different way of saying I love you and I’m proud of you

But I couldnt bare where my life was headed if I stuck around with you

I was there while an empire was built

I reaped the benefits not knowing Id be left with guilt

I often question was the downfall my fault

The one time I asked you, you said you were grown and made your own choices

But remember the night you cried your heart out and admitted you hear voices

I miss being an envy

Everyone wanted to be me

And I’m not saying that because I’m stuck up

It’s because I encouraged everyone to look up

They wanted what we had

That shit makes me so sad

I don’t regret it, but I wish I wouldn’t have loved you so hard so young

Goes back to feeling like I’m the reason you’re so strung

It’s like it was perfect from the start

And were the type to always want more

So after 4 years, perfect wasn’t enough

And you declared war with yourself while I ignored

In the matter of months, you turned to dust

Everything that was shiny now covered in rust

Not much was even left to rust though

Not after the robberies and bricks through my window

You said our dog was stolen,

Are you sure you didn’t sell her in the heat of the moment

For something more potent

You know its funny that to protect myself I would sleep with a gun under my pillow

but before I laid my head down I was sniffing a deadly combo

The positions you put me in,

Left me no other option than to sin

So I sinned, bared it a grinned

Deep down wishing for a reason to make it all end

And one day instead of wishing for a reason, I made my own

One so hurtful I could only tell you by phone

Still I don’t regret,

Because my life I got to reset

The way I loved you five years ago

Is how I love myself now

As lonely as it was, I’m the only one who taught myself how

I know you’re headed the right way,

But so were 80% of people in your place and they didn’t end up okay

You made the first step and I’m proud of you for that

I have hope that everyday I wont need to pray your heartline doesnt go flat

This fourth letter might make it in the mail

With this off my chest I’m not so frail

To avoid the taste I moistened the stamp with tears,

I’ll lick the envelope though, and face my fears

Everything I said, you already know

It’s just like chewing food so nasty you can’t swallow

Still it was over a year ago

And I’m starting to let go,

I love you and I’m proud of you

Sincerely,

Heidi Ho

Just one moment in time

A beauty queen caught up in the wrong scene

Forced to start her own life at just 16

Claiming her girl molly and friends as family

To young to realize what she can’t see

Doing whatever they all say

Because the good life is all about play

Till dudes see her on display, taking it past foreplay

And her own ‘family’ taught her about betray

Friday she fell asleep in a daze

Woke up Sunday in an unknown place

Not a clear mind, but this clearly wasn’t okay

So she knelt down and began to pray

Just one moment in time

Can change your whole perspective of life

Get you in line

Don’t ignore the signs

Young scholar dreaming of dollars

In the club with the luxury of choosing who’s gonna get a holla

Of course he picks the baddest, one who’s a little taller

Not aware than a month from now his dreams bout to get a little smaller

Yeah, it was all fun and games

Every hit had no meaning; there was no spark or flames

But a fire was lit when he got that call hearing what she claims

Only books this scholar is now reading is to pick out names

Time flew by while wishin he could have a redo

But he watched as his seed grew

Struggling to get in order before her big debut

And now he’s holding her, staring in her eyes saying this love is true

Just one moment in time

Can change your whole perspective of life

Get you in line

Don’t ignore the signs

Mature mom, got it all going on

To her family and friends she’s an icon

Taking care of herself, but this appointment went wrong

Soon shell be weighing out the pros and cons

What she thought was a check up caused her to check out

Losing her womanhood is something she knows nothing about

But she has to stay strong for her babies not to walkout

In her husband’s eyes, will she still be a knockout?

She went to the doctor, but met the devil

Everything is changing due to something the size of a pebble

She’s feeling like a statistic with a label

Asking for answers, is she able to stay stable?

Just one moment in time

Can change your whole perspective of life

Get you in line

Don’t ignore the signs